Toiner & Stronge do Chicago

This is a poem I wrote to capture the AWESOME 3 days Wendy and I had in Chicago.

Every line hides a story (all hilarious) and I've included some pics as well.

So in 47 (!) stanzas, here's "Toiner & Stronge do Chicago"

Toiner & Stronge do Chicago

Are you staff?
Delicious brekky in Giraffe
Toiner’s passport piccie
Looks like Linda LaHughs from Gimme Gimme Gimme

BA staff chosen ones
Have giant clip on buns
Tug stuck on the plane delay
But the movies work, hooray!

Quizzed by US Security re. job
More thoroughly than the Chicago Mob
And travel movements too…
Do I look dodgy to Ground Crew?

Checked into our hotel finally
The porter is hmmmm too smiley
We tip him for rather a lot
For just telling us a good taxi spot

Because, you see, there’s a special thing
The Festival of Lights parade is in full swing
But but but there’s no time to lose
Blue Man Group awaits to amuse

Singing llamas and the GiPad
Ready. Go. Crazy and rad
This show is getting stranger and stranger
We even feel in bemused danger!

Trying to stay awake and alert
So we don’t get covered in dessert
Then come the giant spheres
And lots and lots of cheers

We find out a few days before
A pipe burst on the 26th floor
Loud humidifiers outside our room
For the duration of our stay we presume…

Time to bed down for the night
Some shuteye sounds about right
Toiner fights with her duvet until she’s comfy
While I fall asleep rather snugly

Early am walk on Navy Pier
Freezing cold, it’s that time of year
Brekky at Billy Goats
And drying out our wet hats and our coats

Off to Soldier Field we go
Go Bears! (As long as it doesn’t snow)
Be loud. Make noise. Bear down.
Come on! Let’s go to town!

Epic fail in hindsight
The weather really was shite
Up in the Gods and windblown
We got soaked right through to the bone

American football is fun
And totally totally ran-dom
Tampa fans sit amongst the home side
‘Bravado, beer and street meat’ preoccupied

Bears win 24:13
Now time to hit the deep-dish pizza scene
Gino’s East and the Tipex thing going on
Mozzarella overload is so very, very wrong

Back at the hotel we’re cream crackered
All the walking has made us knackered
We start watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
But Toiner crashes into the ‘stay awake’ hurdles

Toiner’s sandwich duvet is hilarious
‘Chicago’ in Chicago for the gregarious
Mike and Molly, my fave show, on a billboard
We like Starbucks as our morning ‘springboard’

Revolving doors
The porter scores
When we give him a tenner
Just for telling us the weather

He puts us in a cab
And we add to his tab
The taxi goes north
And so on and so forth

So here we are in the wrong part of town
And the weather is really coming down
Windy with horizontal rain and sleet
There’s no way we’re heading south on the street

Luckily the Segway guys are cool
They understand and overrule
And we decide to try again tomorrow
No time for any upset or sorrow

Because we were really excited about
Riding the segways with clout
So… to keep the excitement going
Let’s go hit Macy’s whilst it’s snowing!

Such a magical feel
To be in Chicago, unreal!
All of our dreams coming true
And so close to Christmas too

Maccy Ds for lunch a must
We wolf it down but only just
In time for Wendella’s boat ride
A festive cruise with a guide

---

We pass along the Chicago River
On a wing and a prayer and a shiver
“I can’t do this” freezin’ wind
Outside my face feels it’s been skinned!

Through the harbor lock
We walk on the boat and we rock
It takes us across the wavy sea
Attempting photos is really gutsy

Our feet once again on concrete
We spot WGN radio studio up the street
Toiner dares me to run past and wave
And I do for a funny close shave

Sailing around Navy Pier
Inside it’s a cosy atmosphere
Now we’re on Lake Mich-i-gan
Then we’ll be heading back to where we began

It’s a chilly but lovely clear night
So we try to find Oak Beach despite
Not knowing where even to begin
Finding this place in the city within

The pedestrian tunnels are flooded or closed
And then, when a man is so opposed
To letting us venture any further
We take his advice as a precursor

“Have eyes in the back of your head,
Unless you want to end up sprawled out and dead”
He says in that soft Chicago gangster drawl
We listen and decide to take his advice after all

The trees are all lit up and bright
It really is such a beautiful night
Toiner’s fur is on fire in the photies
I start singing Alicia Keys as a song tease

Onwards and upwards to 360 Chicago
And across town to Willis Tower, pronto
The windy Skywalk takes our breath away
The Skydeck ledge I could stand on all day

A city that dazzles and shines
Laid out in blocks and straight lines
We even spot our Oak beach
And it does look isolated to reach

We try Michael Jordan’s for dins
Where I finally had veg for my sins
It was quite an asparagus overload
And Toiner had a mega cheese episode

Our final day in Chicago starts
With us wrapping up all of our parts
It’s lovely and sunny out there
But well and truly chilly to be fair

The taxi goes the right way
And we wait for the CTS guys to “OK”
The start of our Segway fun
After the scary 5000 dollar stun

That’s the price we might have to pay
Should we lose or damage a Segway today
But Chris put us straight at ease
By being so cool and easy to please

Toiner was the buck-a-roo rodeo show
She called me the Chicago Segway Mafia to go
We stay on Turtle mode for a while
It’s probably best for our style

“1,2,3 Chicago” pic by the fountain
Riding a Segway is like climbing a mountain
Technique, determination and skill
So you don’t end up ruining the thrill

Halfway in I can’t feel my toes
I make a strangled sound through my nose
Toiner totally cracks up
And I pretend like nothings happened “Wassup!”

We finally see a beach on 12th street
This really is a fab treat
But later we’re on a steep hill
And Toiner does a funny kitten squeal!

We’re soon at O’Hare airport heading home
We wait to see if President Obama will grace our zone
Great meal and giant cocktails in Chillies resto
Even an American Johnny Vegas hey presto!

Three opportunities to sport a poncho
At BMG we were out by one row
We got drenched at Soldier Field
But on the segways the sun was revealed

Walgreens for American snacks
“Windy” politics and wise cracks
Taxis so easy to hail
Definitely no ugly shoe sale!

This has been a fabulous trip
AA definitely runs a tight ship
Extra speedy flight and food service
Joy, the hostess, didn’t have time to be nervous

About whipping our plates in mid bite
So you needed an immediate appetite
I think they were trained with Lufthansa
It was quite an efficient extravaganza

So “Bye Bye Chicago” we say
You were one heck of a hol-i-day
No amber in traffic lights or in speech
But you’re a city that has plenty within reach!