The excerpt "Expectation" in the photo above touched me deeply. The main character Nora is completely lost and alone and suicidal so she takes an overdose. During that state of unconsciousness and coming back to life again which I know about all too well, she gets a second chance. She gets this wonderful opportunity to visit the midnight library and try out hundreds of versions of how her life could have turned out. It's a brilliant concept, that suspension of time. I'll never get bored of it.
I found the story both beautiful and humbling. Haig writes about the darkest of subjects with such light. I didn't even know that was possible. I only know how to blacken and comedise my bleak experiences and depressed state of mind when I'm telling my own lived stories. It's refreshing and calming to know I am not alone and it's interesting to read about mental health from a male perspective.
Maybe I will try "Reasons To Stay Alive"...
Also this week.. I met another long lost friend for dinner which was lush, I had my second Covid jab (pfizer again) which means in a couple of weeks, I can travel again with slightly less restrictions than before (progress!), and my care co-ordinator made a home visit.
My last couple of mantras in yoga have been "I know. I can. I will" and "I know I am me". These are in relation to where I am in my life right now, still in recovery, possibly having ASD, living with fibromyalgia and on the brink of becoming a mother, whilst adjusting to life without travel. I often find there is too much noise from the outside world and in my head and I quickly lose sense of who I am and my capabilities. Easily overwhelmed I guess. I feel as if everyone is judging me, yet is it really just me judging myself?
Getting out of my head, I have quite enjoyed pottering around my home not having to answer to anyone, and, despite being recalled back to work as of Thursday (boo), I've accomplished a fair bit even in this heat of 30+ degrees! I've done lots of pruning, mowing and digging to attempt to rid the garden of so much foliage and expand my lawn and I also picked up some rubble, rocks, slabs and bricks for the makeshift patio and pond rockery I want to build. I've probably completely overdone it and there's going to be a payback with fibro, but I'll worry about that when it hits. For now, I'm going to enjoy my few remaining days before work starts up again.
After blogging last week, I then get a notification that I've got furlough for the whole of July and, with England's historic win at Wembley over Germany, what more could I ask for!
I've finally finished Cold Feet up to the current series, no.9. I've always wanted to watch this show and it's brilliant the way we follow the characters through their 30s and into their 40s and 50s. The highs and lows. The peaks and troughs. The love, pain, heartbreak, happiness, surprise and excitement that is Life. Shows like this ground me. It's hard to explain if you don't have mental health issues or chronic illness. That perpetual treading water of getting through each day is exhausting. Even though this is fiction, it gives me hope for my own life.
I also devoured Bosch season 7 and The Serpent on BBC iPlayer whilst sorting out my travel cabinet - despite what it looks like, I did throw some items out! So many memories here from 42 countries. I needed to remember that I did use to travel, a lot.
Yoga under canvas has been wonderful, as have the last couple of therapy sessions, where I've been able to talk very openly and honestly about the things that are bothering me. I'm always happy (and relieved) when I can find my words.
So now I'm in Cornwall for a little over a week. The weather is looking ok-ish and England thrashed Ukraine 4-0 in the Euros quarter final! Dare I say Football is definitely coming home...
Blogging is an amazing concept so here I am giving it a whirl. You'll get words. You'll get pics. Sometimes a vid or two. You'll get tongue in cheek, the odd humble opinion and an honest insight into my travels and writing life. Maybe even a few gems along the way. I'll be musing on home turf as I see more and more of the UK and sharing my experiences further afield on holidays and adventurous trips across the globe.