So I should be in Beirut now looking at beautiful architecture and enjoying the Paris of the Middle East, and then the plan was to fly on to Istanbul for more of the same with a cheeky side trip to Cappadocia - a place that has forever fascinated me.

Boo to Coronavirus!

However, on the plus side, the sun is shining here.. and with the lack of travel to distract me, I have been making serious progress with the Corona clear out, in order to have a blank canvas to work with for the next chapter in my life. I finally ordered a man with a van, well, actually a very nice couple with a van and they took the big pile of stuff outside the house to the tip and recycling centre for me. I never thought I could get excited about seeing rubbish being cleared! I've got 3 big boxes of books to send to Africa, half the loft is now empty and I've almost put everything I want to sell on eBay. I even have some empty shelves and drawers!

I'm not going to lie, it is exhausting work and difficult doing it all by myself, as the house and garden still need looking after on a daily basis and often it seems that the work just never stops. I battle with my fibro daily and often find myself "trading off". One thing I have been trying this last week is to actually rest when I'm resting and I want to introduce some play and fun into my weekly schedule because I know that's when I really switch my mind off from racing and my whole body will relax. I tried this Wednesday evening. It wasn't a particularly inspiring day at work, so I decided to see if my barbecue would fire up so I could cook some kebabs. I got completely engrossed in cleaning the thing,  which hasn't been used for about 4-5 years, cooking my dinner and then scrubbing off the grate afterwards. Let me be clear, that's not my usual definition of fun and play, but just knowing the barbecue still worked - and I could actually use it without Colin's help! - was empowering enough to feel like fun and play.

think in hindsight it would've only added to the tense and compelling plot.

I did end up reading this book in fits and starts, having to completely start over several months after Col's passing, as I'd lost the thread a little and that is one of my pet hates when reading what I know is going to be a great story. However, once I did start over, I couldn't put it down. Page turner is such a cliche, but this is one of those.

At the time, when I too was feeling quite suicidal and lost in my grief, I could really get behind Mia (one of the two main detectives) and feel the absolute pain she is going through. You'll see what I mean when you read it. I was in a dark place and so is she. Desperately dark to the point of being in a cabin, alone, far from anyone, with a stash of pills and alcohol to keep her company. Oh, and the sea right outside. Talk about temptations at every turn!

I loved the whole cult aspect giving the murders another dimension and I really didn't see the ending coming until it was upon me. The remoteness of the locations also set the scene exceptionally well. Kudos to Bjork.

It's funny because I'm not feeling overly concerned about self isolating and being home alone during this Covid crisis, but I am getting completely overwhelmed with clearing out stuff! So much for pressing pause on life and slowing down for a while... Usually I love having a good tidy up and giving to charity sesh, but this time I'm not just dealing with my things and that's where it gets complicated - well, for me at least. I don't want to dispose / give away anything of Colin's that I might regret further down the line, which means I have this need to go through everything in great detail. Hello anxiety.

The thing I have noticed with Fibro, is that I am often wired yet tired.. I love that because it rhymes, but what I actually want to say is that I'm wired yet exhausted, completely and utterly and no amount of right and left nostril breathing, guided meditation or mindfulness is helping at the moment.

I am making progress with clearing the decks in the house and garden, but it feels like I'm a dredge and I'm forever wading through sludge. I know it's going to be amazing once I've finally sorted out all the stuff, but I'm not enjoying the stuffocation in the meantime! I also have this terrible habit of opening one box, getting distracted, and then opening another and another, until I'm surrounded and completely overwhelmed. I know to break the task down into manageable chunks, but my brain does not want to function that way. It just wants to rush to the finish line and move on to the next thing.

I do like the idea of picking up an object and seeing how it makes me feel. Does this item bring me joy? For me, this works best with my own things especially books for some strange reason. I've been using it a lot this past week.

So I will keep on with the task at hand, keep dredging, but I'm hoping to gain some perspective and Be Still and Be Calm-er over the coming week...

Self isolating is hard, even if you do enjoy your own company and have many activities to keep you occupied - as I do. And the weather has been decidedly off.

This week has been a struggle, so I'm posting fun stuff I did a week prior, to remind myself that a little light relief goes a long way!

Quizzing with friends, creativity and family fun