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I went back to work and I'm literally taking it one day at a time. I don't let myself think too far into the future because then the panic sets in. I'm watching Billy Connolly's "Does" series and trying not to be afraid of Life. "We pass this way but once.." The anxiety has left me with this dread, which I'm relieved to report is slowly easing as the new anti depressant gets into my system.
Other than that, not a whole lot else to say this week. I braved my PIP application online in one sitting. It's something I've been thinking about for a while due to fibro and mental illness. We will see how it goes..
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 What a treat to see Dame Judi Dench in conversation with Gyles Brandreth this past Sunday. Again, I've waited a long time to see this one - 2 years and 2 months later...
It was well worth the wait. Listening to them reminisce about their old theatre days in the first half and then talking tv and films in the second. There is something really special about being in an intimate setting with like minded people watching one of our idols in the flesh! Time just whizzed by. It was also lovely to hear Dame Judi talk about her husband Mikey and how they met and what it was like to work together on A Fine Romance, and then of course when she talked about Geoffrey Palmer and As Time Goes By, one of my all time favourites. Brilliant writing and acting and beautiful gentle comedy. Really good for the soul when I've been feeling unwell.
It was such a joy to finally see Mrs Brown's Boy D'live Show The Musical. I bought the ticket in December 2020 for June 2021, then it got rescheduled that month for a year later - and here we are. Although I miss Rory and Deano, it was great to see the rest of the cast on stage. I would've hung around to try and get some autographs afterwards, but I had to get down to Eastbourne for a wedding the next day. We stayed in an air bnb in Pevensey Bay which was delightful and right opposite the beach. Such a great location! That was my first time in an air bnb aswell. I was very impressed.
I want to do the exact opposite of walking slowly. I want to hurtle head long into a brand new year and accomplish all of the things that I need to around my home and I want to become a mum. BUT. I also want to feel less mentally and physically exhausted and more at peace with myself and my surroundings.
Walk Slowly It only takes a reminder to breathe, a moment to be still, and just like that, something in me settles, softens, makes space for imperfection. The harsh voice of judgment drops to a whisper and I remember again that life isn’t a relay race; that we will all cross the finish line; that waking up to life is what we were born for. As many times as I forget, catch myself charging forward without even knowing where I’m going, that many times I can make the choice to stop, to breathe, and be, and walk slowly into the mystery. -Danna Faulds
 This was my 39th birthday treat to myself - a front row seat to see Ricky Gervais at the London Palladium, performing his 6th live stand up show SuperNature. I wanted to make up for spending my 38th stuck on a psych ward!
The show was incredible. Gervais takes his comedy to the wire and then races way beyond. I don't know how anyone can take him seriously. Everything he says is tongue-in-cheek and it's clear he's nothing like his comedy in real life. Just watch the genius that is Derek and After Life - both raw, human observation that gets you right in the heart. Makes you laugh and cry simultaneously. He's brilliant and as I've often commented on here, I don't know why I avoided him for so long. I can't get enough of him. And no, I don't agree with some of his beliefs, but it doesn't matter. There's space enough for everyone.  So being a self proclaimed Royalist, I watched the funeral of His Royal Highness, the Duke of Edinburgh on Saturday. Sadly, I feel the sense of loyalty and duty to the Royal Family is lost on mine and younger generations. I am so proud to be British and it isn't lost on me the magnitude of what we are saying goodbye to here. The Duke was a living part of our collective history and he had been at the epicentre of British power since the 1940s. I am so jealous of all of his travels, I am awed at the legacy he is leaving behind and I am left in wonderment at his self less devotion in serving the Queen, his wife for all of these years, two steps behind.
Learning about the man beyond the well publicised gaffs this past week has left me with only positives to include in my own life: travel, be curious, ask questions, laugh, enjoy the good times, be patient during the bad times, this too shall pass, say what you mean to say, don't back down on your beliefs and values for anyone. Losing someone we love and the resulting grief will hit us all at some point in life. It's no different for our Royal family and our Queen. When your partner, husband, wife dies, this is said to be one of the most intense emotional experiences of your lifetime. I can attest to this. I'm starting 3 days of furlough today. What weird times we are living in. I should be gearing up for a busy January booking amazing holidays for people, but instead I'm working from home again with the office closing to the public for who knows how long. And we are 2 days away from Brexit finally being actioned. What a year it's been! Despite all of this, it's been a lovely Christmas seeing family and friends whilst the restrictions briefly lifted. I did spend my first ever Christmas day alone and it was surprisingly lovely and I actually felt quite content. I cooked dinner for myself and ordered in my favourite champagne. I got to lie in and wake up to my own pace with the kitties and the only thing I forgot was the stuffing, so I had yorkies instead! Our first session of family therapy went ok last week. It was with my older sister and mum to begin with. I wanted us to address the issues raised by my latest hospitalisation and how both parties were feeling and had felt during that time. As you know, I found going into hospital and the events leading up to it incredibly traumatic in themselves. Here are a few of my main points I journalled in preparation, which you may be able to relate to:  The day after I saw my counsellor and I read her one of my all time favourite stories and the one and only Christmas story in my humble opinion "A Night Before Christmas". I also told her I appreciate and hugely respect her authenticity. I like the fact she's not on social media for example.
I've been watching so many fab shows on the box, a lot being about my heroes or being favourite programs of mine or celebrating a significant anniversary - Billy Connolly's goodbye to stand up, Sheridan Smith's Becoming Mum where she openly talks about her struggles with her mental health, 25 years of Common People by Pulp, Cliff Richard's King of Christmas, Victoria Wood's Secret Files and live stand up show from 1997, Bobby Ball's last appearance in Not Going Out before he passed, new comedy Pandemonium, Ricky Gervais stand up shows Animals and Politics, Mandy, Mrs Brown's Boys (of course!), the history of the Queen's speech, Have I got 30 years for you, Birds of a Feather, Motherland, King Gary, The story behind The Good Life, 25 years of Bridget Jones and Nigella doing her wonderful Christmas cooking, still going strong at 60.
but weren't - lots of adventure such as Wind in the Willows, Treasure Island and Robinson Crusoe, some of the Classics such as Wuthering Heights and Sense and Sensibility, and books that I remember reading as a teenager and being deeply moved such as Judy Blume's Forever and Robert Swindells's Daz4Zoe. Now I just need a lovely bookcase to put them all in!
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AuthorBlogging is an amazing concept so here I am giving it a whirl. You'll get words. You'll get pics. Sometimes a vid or two. You'll get tongue in cheek, the odd humble opinion and an honest insight into my travels and writing life. Maybe even a few gems along the way. I'll be musing on home turf as I see more and more of the UK and sharing my experiences further afield on holidays and adventurous trips across the globe. Archives
August 2022
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