I've settled onto the Picasso ward here at the Cygnet hospital in Woking. It's been a week. Breakfast at 9am, lunch at 12pm, dinner at 5pm and meds where and when needed after each of those meals - these are the fixed events on the ward. I've done an Amazon shop to get all the essentials delivered so I can start to feel more human. We've had sober karoake, pet therapy, psychology, basketball, stretching and mindfulness to keep us occupied, along with other activities I haven't felt like joining in for. I've been allowed to annotate my care plan which is something that's never happened before but I feel is so important in a patient being able to take back control of their treatment. I've spoken to so many Drs, I've lost count. I don't think it's right we have to go over and over our story. I get tired of it all. I'm still on a detox, still hyper, still angry, still dissociating. I'm trying to work through it. Oh, and it's stormy which always seems to happen when I'm in hospital. The O2 building in London nearly lost its roof!
On my last night at Frimley hospital last Tuesday before I got transferred, my 1-2-1 told me a story that I'll never forget- and this is the thing about hospital, you meet really interesting characters and you realise everyone is going through something - he had to assess a suicidal 75 year old man after he was found going to the tube station everyday to figure out how to kill himself, but my 1-2-1 chap had just lost his own wife of 30 years two months before. Where did he find the strength?
I'm waiting for a bed on a psych ward. Yesterday I had my mental health act assessment. I had a lovely HCA as my daytime 1-2-1 and she came in with me to help me advocate for myself. I didn't get a chance to go to hospital voluntarily this time, they decided straight on a Section 2. That was disappointing, especially as I took my Dr's advice earlier on in the morning and didn't throw anything at them! My chats with the psych liaison team have been up and down as usual.
Being on a 5.2 section with the nurses all weekend is definitely better than being on a 136 section with the police, like I had last time. No offence to the police, but a hospital environment feels a lot less scary when your mental health has gone pearshaped. I'm so glad I can wash myself and change my underwear and change into a gown, but trying to eat a roast dinner with two plastic spoons is interesting.
My night 1-2-1 lady on Sunday evening was a psych prison guard at Broadmoor for 21 years! I promised her I would try to be on my best behaviour, but I still ended up dissociating and trying to walk out of hospital she told me in the morning. She did say at least I wasn't running as she would have never been able to keep up! I like it when I can laugh about my mental health with people who are there to help and support me. It makes it feel a lot less frightening.
I don't want to go back into hospital but I do want to know if I have bi-polar. I hope we can get to the bottom of this. The highs are great but they are definitely not sustainable.
I've been flying so so high with work after having my biggest ever sales month. I'm not even needing to take my medication and I feel like I don't have fibromyalgia anymore! I've got all of my appointments set up with the new fertility clinic, so it's full steam ahead again and preparations continue on the spare bedroom, decorating, and with India and Nepal, despite not knowing if the countries will open their borders in time. I've also ordered my bedding plants for the summer, slightly less than usual due to the soon to do pathway to the shed, making the planting area smaller and more manageable. I'm so hyper, I can't sit still! I barely need sleep. This is all very surreal. I finally received the private psychatrist's reports from my meetings with him end of December and mid January, where he saw me hyped like this and then at a low, and he thinks I might have a mood disorder possibly bipolar. My GP is attempting to get a second opinion from the Community Mental Health Team as she won't prescribe the mood stabiliser he is suggesting until I'm stable on it. I get really impatient with this to-ing and fro-ing.
I've been enjoying my audiobooks on my commute to and from the office and this has been on my hitlist for a while. As you know, I am a massive fan of Ab Fab the TV show, written by Jennifer Saunders and, after watching her review of funny women with Dawn French at Christmas and listening to them both "tittering about" on their podcast of the same name, it prompted me to delve into Saunders early life and find out how she made it big. I love the fact that she has this wonderful relationship with Dawn French, I love the fact she worked with Joanna Lumley and has some great stories about her and I love the fact she helped Miranda on her way. That integration with some of my most favourite comedians is very heartwarming. It's interesting how Saunders breaks rules with comedy during the 90s and how the BBC production was just right for that rebellion and expressiveness at that time. The right people were in the right places to make the right choices. Her reflections on how the BBC has changed are intriguing and there's a real sense of loss when she describes it. It's wonderful that she narrates her own story. It makes such a difference to the storytelling. It's also wonderful to hear just how many times she's messed up even when famous, which makes her all the more endearing as a British national treasure in my humble opinion.
Blogging is an amazing concept so here I am giving it a whirl. You'll get words. You'll get pics. Sometimes a vid or two. You'll get tongue in cheek, the odd humble opinion and an honest insight into my travels and writing life. Maybe even a few gems along the way. I'll be musing on home turf as I see more and more of the UK and sharing my experiences further afield on holidays and adventurous trips across the globe.