So I've been signed off for a week (for starters) with what the doctor thinks is sciatica and I've spent the week trying not to feel that horrible nerve pain shooting down my leg and trying not to cry and trying not to feel well and truly helpless. I'm only allowed restricted amounts of painkillers because of my history, which exasperates me when I'm trying to manage my pain. I've just been on the sofa watching a lot of tele and now my mum is staying with me for a couple of weeks. I can't stand, walk, sit or drive. I would even go so far as to say this pain is worse than any mental distress I've ever had to cope with. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
I have been marginally distracted from the pain with my new car arriving after six months in the making, and getting all of the paperwork sorted out - and signing my contract for my new job which I start on 17th October.
The Queen's passing has floored me - and I don't know why because I always knew she was just hanging on for her Platinum Jubilee celebrations and that she wouldn't be making another Christmas Day speech. I also can't believe that Charles is finally King.
I may very well have got swept up in the queuing to view her lying in state, if it hadn't been for getting out of bed on Friday excited to have four whole days off in a row and then, recoiling in agony with a pinched nerve in my leg. I did manage to get up to London that evening with my mum and sister to see Gary Barlow's A Different Stage, but the pain was horrendous as I hobbled around.
I've spent the rest of my lovely days off alternating between lying on my bed, lying on the sofa or on my hands and knees. I did of course watch the Queen's funeral yesterday, but I've spent most of today in bed trying to get comfortable and trying to catch up on sleep. I hope to find out more about what I've done this coming week and get some treatment.
Despite all of this, Gary's show was brilliant and we even managed a glimpse of him as he left the theatre!
Rest in peace Your Majesty
So... after a month or so of feeling overwhelmed, anxious and fearful of every little thing, I finally found a quiet moment this past week - amidst the noise - to sit down and ask myself "what needs to change?" And I realised my job needs to change. I didn't think I had the courage to actually go through with it because I've been consumed with the negativity that comes from anxiety. I didn't think I could drum up the motivation either. I started small. I started with my criteria - to work from home, preferably still in travel, Monday to Friday, 9-5, not customer facing - and then I began looking at jobs online and discovered that actually what I was looking for did exist! This was a revelation. Since the pandemic, it's opened up a whole new adjustment and attitude of what the "working week" could look like - and I had no idea that travel jobs were adapting too. I was really boosted by this to update my CV and to start applying, and, within the week, I was offered two jobs and I've accepted one of them!
It hasn't fixed my anxiety - I've just doubled my dose of Sertraline again to 100 mg after a review with my doctor - but it has given me some confidence back and I'm starting to remember the person I am when I'm well and firing on all cylinders.
Blogging is an amazing concept so here I am giving it a whirl. You'll get words. You'll get pics. Sometimes a vid or two. You'll get tongue in cheek, the odd humble opinion and an honest insight into my travels and writing life. Maybe even a few gems along the way. I'll be musing on home turf as I see more and more of the UK and sharing my experiences further afield on holidays and adventurous trips across the globe.