It's been a mixed week of highs and lows. I spoke for almost two hours with a private psychiatrist to get his opinion on what I feel is rapid mood cycling. That whole session was exhausting, but I wanted to get it done before Christmas. Amidst the feeling euphoric one minute and depressed the next, I also feel very ignored by the fertility clinic I approached in the summer and that is stressing me out. I had hoped to be undergoing IUI treatment by now. It angers me that having mental illness means we are treated like sub standard human beings and it saddens me that the things that have given us mental illness are not our fault.
I was still feeling christmassy despite all of this and I had a wonderful six days off to unwind a little. I watched lots of great tele, spent time with family and friends and stuffed my face! It was good to be able to put the mental health hoops to one side and recharge my batteries.
I think it's important, certainly for me, to have a routine leading up to Christmas; building in the things I love to do like writing cards and making sure I see all of my favourite people, as well as having my little traditions like donating to charity, mince pies and cream and a crimbo jigsaw on the go to name just a few. I love December to be a hive of activity leading up to the big day!
In a bid to visit all of the palaces and residences of the Royal family and to learn more about them, my friend Claire and I took a trip to Hampton Court on Sunday. I wanted something a little bit special for this trip, so hired a private guide to take us around. He was excellent and full of interesting facts and information, pointing out things we wouldn't see on our own, or even with an audio guide.
And I finally got to do the maze, which has been a childhood dream of mine!
I feel multiple layers of rage and frustration at a time of year which I usually love. I'm working hard to stay calm and grounded, but it's bloody difficult. After two months of being ignored and not knowing what's going on between my psychiatrist and fertility consultant - and still not knowing - I had my discharge meeting with the Community mental health team on Friday and it was an absolute joke. No resolutions, no explanations, nothing. How is that supposed to help my mental health?!
I've approached another fertility clinic with the hope of progressing with them next year. That has given me some comfort. I've also been trying to cheer myself up with comedy, dinner with friends, decorating my tree, mulled wine and a visit to see the amazing light show in the village next door to me. It was really beautiful, comforting and magical. I love this kind of thing - colours and light displays and symmetry.
Blogging is an amazing concept so here I am giving it a whirl. You'll get words. You'll get pics. Sometimes a vid or two. You'll get tongue in cheek, the odd humble opinion and an honest insight into my travels and writing life. Maybe even a few gems along the way. I'll be musing on home turf as I see more and more of the UK and sharing my experiences further afield on holidays and adventurous trips across the globe.