April's mixed emotions

My favourite trumpet daffs

I think April is my favourite month because it heralds Spring and a re-awakening. Freshness. Newness. Hope. Starting again. It's my New Years, only 3 months later.

In my 20s, I used to take a business travel trip at the start of each April or thereabouts. For every trip, I remember coming into land at Heathrow, after another wonderful adventure, always excited to be coming home, sun (usually) shining on a sparkly, vibrant London, and I would feel truly alive with the prospect of what was to come - better weather, flowers blooming, countryside walks, focus costing up the new brochures at work, long, sultry evenings, fresh determination to complete personal projects... I was brimming with purpose.

This changed for a couple of years when Colin passed away on the 3rd back in 2017. I lost my sense of everything for a while there. This week has been tough with his anniversary last Friday. The first time I have spent it alone and felt ok (and trusting myself!) Despite Covid 19 looming, needing to set up my home working kit, deciding at the 11th hour to rip out the old desks we built together in our "office" almost 20 years ago and replace with a single desk I bought shortly after he passed, and continuing with my physio, yoga and PT and all that these activities entail, I took some time out to visit one of our many, many favourite spots where we both saw our first Duke of Burgundy butterflies amongst the cowslips. I had the site all to myself and it was a peaceful afternoon where I didn't have to dodge my emotions.

So it's been weird working from home at long last this past weekend, but I think I have a rhythm now. I'm basically pretending I'm still going to the the office, aside from the non-commute.

Let's do this! #wfh

Again, remembering back to my 20s when I worked from home quite a bit, I do know I need a proper routine for myself and stick to work hours only. It's funny how we change. Gone are the days I will work in my PJs! I have to get up, shower, dress, make coffee and eat breakfast for sure.