Clinging to real life

Another chaotic week goes by and I actually feel suicidal now!

In between binging Homeland (and feeding my intrigue for the conflicts in the Middle East) and working full time, I don't even know where to start with describing the things that are happening. I am clinging to work and normality with the routine and organisation that I love.

I can't believe that the Home Treatment Team will not accept my GP's or CPN's referrals. This past week has consisted of mental distress beyond words, trying to cut my wrists in a psych evaluation, strangulation, overdose, time in resus. and then majors, trying to walk home in my socks and pjs, lack of sleep, suicidal thoughts spilling out of my mouth at work, crying and laughing hysterically, numerous rants to the safe haven and the crisis line because they won't discuss my records with me, abandonment, mood swings, feeling angry and violent, starting an anti psychotic but only allowed a 7-day prescription...

Hey, welcome to mental illness. It is horrible.

The only consistency I have right now is having the same CPN and Psychiatrist from the CMHT that I had two years ago. I believe this is largely down to the fact I have the same GP - and that wonderful GP is particularly interested in mental health and in helping me.