Flying high on no meds

I'm not going to lie, I do struggle with taking medication. I don't like swallowing pills for starters and up until Colin's passing, I never took anything. I also don't want to rely on them and it's taken ages to train myself to get into a routine. I hate the weight gain and the sluggishness on the anti-psychotic. I don't like taking pain medication everyday. I don't mind my anti depressant but I worry it won't work forever, after trying a few before this, with devastating consequences on the last attempt to switch and consolidate back in the autumn...

So I've been off them for two days. And right now I'm flying high. I haven't slept but I feel I can do anything. I know this is not going to last but my brain says stick with it. Actually my brain feels quite scrambled at the moment and the voices are back, so I don't completely trust what I'm writing here. But I think it's important to write it because I know I'm not the only one who feels like this and it's important to share our experiences. I don't know what the answer is but I wish I did. I wish there was a checklist for mental health, an end goal, a list of things to accomplish and then you get signed off and are better and more determined to living a good, honest, adventurous and happy life.