I've been on this amazing holiday of a lifetime and family pilgrimage and now I'm feeling hopeless - but I feel like I have no right to feel this way. I know something is wrong because, after a trip like this I would usually be buzzing, and that buzz would carry me for months. But I'm not feeling any such buzz. Work is difficult and relentless and I feel like I'm drowning. In the last week, out of sheer desperation, I've restarted my anti depressant. It was sitting in my medication drawer and I just made the decision that if I've got something there to help me, use it! In the absence of any external help from my GP and the Community Mental Health team and feeling completely and utterly ignored and forgotten about regarding the new mood stabiliser I was supposed to be taking after coming out of hospital, I thought it was time to try and help myself, rather than sabotage myself as I'm so accustomed to doing. I can't say it's working yet, but the knowledge I'm regaining some control just by taking it is helping.
I forced myself to go out in the garden on Friday and Saturday because the sun was shining and I badly need distractions. I finished pruning and cleared all of the leaves and that was immensely satisfying. I also mowed the lawn and started building the path to the shed - a project from last summer that I put on hold as the flowers were still blooming. Sadly, I have lost all of my fish again. These ones only survived a year! So I've ordered a stronger netting and a plastic heron to try and keep the real life heron out of my pond in the future!
Blogging is an amazing concept so here I am giving it a whirl. You'll get words. You'll get pics. Sometimes a vid or two. You'll get tongue in cheek, the odd humble opinion and an honest insight into my travels and writing life. Maybe even a few gems along the way. I'll be musing on home turf as I see more and more of the UK and sharing my experiences further afield on holidays and adventurous trips across the globe.