Resilience Vs Stress

What a week! I've seen the best and the worst of people this week and my stress levels and resilience have been tested to the limit. My engine gave up on the way home last Tuesday, completely out of the blue. The garage say they found diesel in it, but how did I drive 3/4 of a tank on diesel? The car would've spluttered and died shortly after leaving the forecourt, plus you can't get a diesel nozzle into a petrol tank on a car. It won't fit. I've been royally screwed over by my local Morrison's garage and it's going to cost in excess of 3K and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. This is when I wish there was someone in my life who I could turn to and ask "what do I do?" I really miss that support from my dearest. Driving in the dark when you're being towed is an experience I wouldn't want to repeat in a hurry either. The car has no power steering so picture this - I'm knackered after a day's work, I'm hungry, I've been waiting over an hour for the AA man to rescue me and then I have to steer my car to the garage with no power steering whilst fatigue kicks in and pain is already present. I honestly don't know where I got the strength from.

The next day I had to get taxis to and from the next lived experience group for the new hospital, where we were meeting for the first time, after all the online sessions. I didn't want to miss it because we were going on a journey using our senses to give our thoughts, experiences and feelings on how the new hospital should look and feel in a sensory capacity. We worked through touch, taste, smell, hearing and seeing. The picture above shows an example of the touch exercise. I loved the way we could relate everything we did to colours. I found that immensely helpful. I learned in my Trauma Stabilisation group that smell and taste are the two strongest senses for grounding quickly, but that doesn't work for me. Touch is my strongest sense.

Anyway I ordered a new engine after cancelling my latest mental health team appointment. I couldn't face it and I couldn't let them see me stressed out! I need only good reports for when I approach the first fertility clinic again in the autumn.

I then endured five days of work and a particularly gruelling weekend of abusive and barmy customers, even being sexually harrassed on Sunday and having to call the police. Seriously. Give. Me. A. Break.
I did hit my second target though so that's something to celebrate, despite feeling incredibly triggered. I had a good chat with my therapist today about all of this and I can now see what courage I've had to come out the other side of this week still doing ok and keeping myself well. I'm currently listening to a beautiful playlist on CALM to wind down for the day. Talk again next week!