Short on spoons!

It is very depressing to me that I have become a person who has to judge the productivity of her day by how much pain and fatigue she is feeling. How many spoons have I got today? (I love the above tee by the way). It also gets me down when I am too exhausted and in too much discomfort to have the capability to employ my toolbox of self soothing techniques. Especially necessary after a busy day of working, or attending appointments, or of doing jobs and chores around the home and garden. I am trying my hardest to continue living a regular, ordinary life as best I can, whilst trading off, pacing and attempting to be kinder to myself, but it is a 24/7 job and there's no switching off.

So this past week, as I predicted, I ended up in a flare up and it's been horrible. And yes, as my counsellor said to me today, I stuck two fingers up to Fibromyalgia and didn't listen to my body, carrying on regardless... and a flare up will always be the outcome. Just as I struggled to accept Colin had died, I also struggle to accept this is my life now. 

There is no short (or even long) answer as to how best to manage with chronic pain and extreme fatigue. This last week, I used a bad coping strategy of pills and alcohol for two days just to numb myself and make myself sleep and then I got back on track. I know I should never have got to the point of a flare up, but it's going to happen. Pulling myself round this time, I did low energy projects where I could sit down and stretch, deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation before sleep, more green and colour in my diet and I've been checking in with myself throughout each day. And, I've booked to have a catch up with my Dr.

Maintaining good mental and physical health is a continuum.

Recovery is a continuum.

I wish there was an end destination to both, some glorious magic pill, but sadly there isn't.